i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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