Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize