i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
