I think my vagina is haunted
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I deserve this hangover.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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