my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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