Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
