From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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