I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
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Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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