Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
