Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
