I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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