Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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