I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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