Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
