I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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