So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
