i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
