I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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