Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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