like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
