Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
