So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
