So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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