I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
