Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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