Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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