I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize