last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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