Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
