I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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