He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
