Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
