dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
