as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
