We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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