she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
