nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
