do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
