Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
