I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your penis caused this!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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