just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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