I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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