That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
