flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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