Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
