i'm lost and i look like a hooker
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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