she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my being single is dangerous.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
