Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
