I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
