names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I didn't notice because vodka
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
