i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
