haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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