After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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