just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
