Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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