I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize