I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
