Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
